Ten Questions/Ten Answers

I did this Q & A thing with a DC blogger yesterday. It brought up up some unpleasant memories (No. 6) and forced me to contemplate my cultural identity (No. 3) as well as our crisis du jour (No. 1)….

Small Talk!

Christmas, Syd’s Style

Christmas this year began in a rather undignified manner and ended in a drunken one. The highlight: getting lifted by a huge Army guy with hearts tattooed on his forearms. The Syd’s Christmas, however, included an open bar, bloody knuckles, karaoke, fancy dress, gold hightops, and ended with my co-worker and fellow trouble-maker saying “Katie needs a ride” into the mic and me grabbing the mic from her and saying “And I’ll suck your dick.  Wait, I don’t suck dick.”  Thanks to Jessica Storm for unblocking this memory.

Photos from the evening, stolen from Jared’s Myspace:

A Day Without A Gay? Bish, plz.

The genui over at F.A.G.G. (Federation for the Advancement of Gays and Gayelles, natch) have come up with a brilliant plan to demonstrate the buying power of the queer community and propagate the Homosexual Agenda (Ed. VII, Vol. IX): A Day Without A Gay.

In case you’re link phobic, here’s the basic idea: all the gays and gayelles out there (and our pals) are supposed to call in gay to work and opt out of consumerism for the day.

I’m all for calling in to work, but seriously? I’m supposed to call the SALON where I work and be like, “Hey, Fag Boss. I’m taking a pussy-eatin’ holiday. This hurts me more than it hurts you, Fag Boss. I’m doing this for all of us.” And Fag Boss is supposed to call his clients and be like, “Heyyy, Client. I appreciate you letting me touch your head even though I’m like totes homo, but I’m calling in to support the ancient art of sodomy. You understand, right? Love you, mean it! Toodles!”

It’s a SALON for fucks sake. Six of 13 employees are “family” (well, five are bonafide queer bait, one’s an opportunist, and one I’m working on). And who would it hurt if 46.15384615% of us called in? The GAYS who own the place and the GAYS who get their hair did there and the NON-GAYS who pay the bills despite the likelihood of a homo washing his or her hair.

And after work when all the good gays out there prance to our neighborhood bars to drink away the fear of eternal damnation? What about those businesses who let us sit on their barstools and drink their Smirnoff Ice and light our Benson & Hedges? I’m not close with every gay out there, but most of the gays I know avoid patronizing places where we aren’t wanted (the S&M crowd might be an exception). Real nice way to thank the businesses who support us, F.A.G.G.

So what should you do to show the haters out there just how much they need us? Shit, I think we’re doing just fine. Yeah, those states in the middle might not want your well-toned ass in their tax base, but do you really want to live in Nebraska anyway? We’ve got cities (beautiful cities, cities with good food and art and music, cities with lax marijuana enforcement) up and down both coasts. We’ve got towns like Carrboro where you can’t throw a Birkenstock without hitting at least one sporty dyke. And do you really want to get married away? Gay marriage means gay divorce when your husband and/or wife decides that non-monogamy was fine before you tied the knot but may just be against the rules now that you’re legal.

We have fashion and hair and softball and the perfect excuse not to get hitched. Seems like enough to me.

Addendum:  I just realized the real intention behind A Day Without A Gay–celebrity outting!  Seriously.  Someone find out if Anderson Cooper went to work today.